Users are often the bane of a network admins existence. You get calls seemingly constantly for stupid questions like, "my computer just went kaplewy and shut down!" (I actually got this one once), only to drop everything and run to the office of the user to find that she had stepped on her surge strip and turned the darned thing off. PEBKAC (problem exists between keyboard and chair) error at its finest.

Then there was the time I was called in on a weekend because a moron's user's display just stopped working and he had to get a report out by Monday, only to find that the guy hadn't TURNED THE DISPLAY ON. It seems simple switches are too much for some to grasp. And don't even get me started on the people who just can't seem to understand why downloading free screen savers from every site online makes their system run slower.

If like me you have these sorts of "complex" user errors on your network, I have a few suggestions to help you keep sane and not go postal up in here...or there as the case may be. First, I came up with a solution that works very well. I procured a small taser device. When I get stupid calls from users, I simply tase them. Naturally, when the are a safe distance from my hardware. When they wake up they realize they called me for something stupid nearly right away (most often right after they regain bladder control). Works very well for deterring stupid calls. Though your workplace may be more strict than mine, ruling out this option.

Second, and what some consider the more humane option, is the computer voodoo doll. This plush computer you can issue to your morons users and allow them to repair their problems by simply poking pins into the appropriate point on the computer voodoo doll. Hopefully this all occurs without taking you away from your game of solitaire. Sure it doesn't really fix anything, but sometimes the placebo effect can be very powerful. As an example I once pried the case logo off a computer after getting multiple request for a new system from one user and replaced it with a new sticker. Convinced it was a new system the computer was suddenly much faster and perfectly acceptable. If you have better suggestions for dealing with this problem, let me know. Or if you just want to vent about your own morons users, post that too.